Pastor Sarah Palin is Killing Me Harshly
September 4, 2008
thanks to Mrs. Betty Bowers
The horror movie that is the Republican Party of the United States of America has got me hiding under the bed typing this. I have a fork here and I’m going to stab myself with it if I ever hear the words “President John McCain.”
In the place where the books say my heart is supposed to be, I thought I felt something shift the other day, when I heard that the Republican party had chosen a female running mate for McCain.
Of course Golda Meir was what I imagined
It felt like the girls at work describe hope, and I think that’s what it was. Feminazis such as my good self imagine all kinds of wondrous female candidates that could organise the changing of catheter with the changing of the national healthcare system. But he chose Sarah Palin.
Now Ilona and I have long held a theory on girls called Sarah. They’re so pleasant. They’re so carrot cake. They seem to be quality people but their enigma is in their ongoing wholesomeness. Their baby clothes were Laura Ashley. They’re Sarah. We can’t figure it out. Sarahs. It’s like you have to exhale while you say it and smile. Sa-rahh. Nice.
And to find out the next day she a Sarah and that she is AoG, is nothing but crushing.
This is a person who believes in the Rapture and that while she is Vice or even President should she could suddenly be taken up by Jesus leaving us the whole rest of the world without a leader apart from Our Kevin. Which would be perfectly fine. He’s like a blond Barack. Sarah Palin believes that she could disappear suddenly if the Lord decides not to tarry, as they say, and she would be taken up as a righteous born again Christian to heaven where she belongs and where she can wait to judge the rest of the world.
But the thing I find most shattering about this situation is that if only I’d played the game, I could have been Sarah. I listen to her speak familiar fundie venomous self-righteousness sounds like an AoG Pastor Off The Rack. She displays the evangelicals she represents as the insular judgemental arrogant fruitcakes they are. Please, do yourself a favour check out her tone. She has watched so much Joyce Meyer, she’s surprised she can even be in the same room as you without feeling sick you wretched sinner.
If only I’d stuck around, and taken advantage of the magnificent brainwashing technology and techniques that were available instead of poo-pooing them, I could have been Sarah Palin. She’s had the world’s best training in convincing people that she’s real and that they should give her their power and money. I had that education and I threw it away!
She’s a wishlist gift to the Republican party. She don’t need to tell you God’s on her side, honey, cos you already know.
Fundamentalist Christians are going to get disgustingly paralyticly drunk with power and fear as Pastor Palin gets closer to the White House. It means Jesus is coming. And not everyone’s ready. Except for these people.
You can see how hard she’s believing for that Oval Office. I bet she’s got a picture of the President’s Desk on her fridge and she and her slutty children pray over it every day and believe God for a miracle.
Today I thank FSM for David Letterman because he makes me giggle. Why can’t he be President?
“I like that John McCain. He looks like a guy who gets tickets for mowing under the influence. He looks like a guy with a collection of movies he bought at the car wash. He looks like a guy on the beach with a metal detector. He looks like the guy who is still confused by the phone answering machine: ‘Hello, is that - hello, is that you? Larry, Larry, hello?’ He looks like the guy who calls his grandson when he screws up the remote: ‘Well, now all the shows are in Spanish. What am I going to do, hello?’”
“How about that John McCain? He looks like the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything. He looks like the guy who has to always be told something is on his chin. He looks like a guy who still has a rotary phone. He looks like a guy who’s backed over his own mailbox. He looks like a guy whose sweater is always mis-buttoned. He looks like the guy who always tells you he’s 72 years young. He looks like the guy who’s bragged that oatmeal has lowered his cholesterol. ” –David Letterman
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