Ellen Page, Chris Pratt, and whether Hillsong is Homophobic (Spoiler Alert!)

So the story of Ellen Page demanding that Chris Pratt explain why he goes to an “infamously anti-LGBT” church carries on, with @PrattPrattPratt (IKR?) responding with a picture of a sheep, and a random comparison to divorce. Possibly cos he just had one and possibly cos his parents-in-law-to-be have had a few issues with the topic. And that’s it’s wildly hypocritical that he’s moved in with his fiance but that it’s not OK to be gay at church. Not really. Well, not when it matters.

Why these two and why now, I’m not sure, because it’s obvious Hillsong is the House of Homophobia. I guess no one pressed the Biebs, because we were all just grateful he was keeping his clothes on, kind of, and not abandoning monkeys. Nobody questions Kourtney Kardashian’s attendance because she’s going there for the right reasons. To take her toy boys somewhere wholesome-looking, and to get some attention away from Khloe’s new face.

But this lady wants answers. And Chris Pratt has got them.

Nothing could be further from the truth, “ he wrote on Instagram, “I go to a church that opens their doors to absolutely everyone,”.

That in itself is a tad disturbing, given that Global Senior Pastor (IKR?) Brian Houston said that he felt his serial child sex offending father Frank was a closeted gay man , “who took out his frustrations on children.” So Global Brian doesn’t get it. Still.

Except he thinks he does. In the unmissable piece “Do I Love Gay People?” , curiously titled since historically the place was about “God”’s opinion, GB explains that he recently found out that the Pink Dollar works just as well as the Straight one! No other churches want it, so Hillsong may as well take it all.

No, he doesn’t. What he says is that he realises that people in the LGBT community have been damaged and traumatised by previous experiences with religion, and that they make perfect prey for a place that claims to “welcome everyone” by being so nice.

I got that wrong again. You have to read the whole thing, right up to the part where Brian and his wife Bobbie are trapped in an elevator with a Muslim woman and they don’t even flinch. If you could bottle bigotry of the worst kind, it’s in this piece.

If you have any doubt about the homophobia in Hiillsong after reading it, please, message me.

GB says:

Everyone is welcome at Hillsong church except for known predators, those who are disruptive, or those who have adversarial agendas.

Of course. Gotta look out for those people with agendas. Someone has to tell Mr Pratt that by “everyone’s welcome” they don’t mean, like, EVERYONE. And with those criteria, it’s surprising there’s anyone left in leadership at all.

The writings of the apostle Paul in scripture on the subject of homosexuality are also clear, as I have mentioned in previous public statements.

The writings of Paul also said that women should shut up in church and never, ever have authority over men. But that would prove profitless to cut out half the population.

Put clearly, we do not affirm a gay lifestyle and because of this we do not knowingly have actively gay people in positions of leadership, either paid or unpaid.

So if you are gay, are you welcome at Hillsong Church? Of course! You are welcome to attend, worship

with us, and participate as a congregation member with the assurance that you are personally included and accepted within our community. But (this is where it gets vexing), can you take an active leadership role? No.

Lifestyle. Please, can we leave 1985?

Let’s get this really clear. This is not vexing. This is apartheid. This is second-class citizen status for the LGBT community and individuals that attend Hillsong. This is called exploitation, thieving and deceiving

Hillsong is a show. It’s a one-way event. Some people find that and call it “God” and that’s their choice. But when one group of people is treated differently, it’s called discrimination. Of course, the LGBT market is right in their sights. They want the Greatest Show on Earth. And who better to help make them the most theatrical Christians off-Broadway? The talented and creative members of the gay community who have all that enthusiasm and trauma. Ripe from religious background where they’ve been told they’re bad for something beyond their control, Hillsong offers a false family and a permanent place in limbo. It is, essentially, a grooming process, where certain people must accept that they will never be good enough. And the only pattern that follows is one open to further abuse.

There’s nothing gay going on at Hillsong at all, apart from pretending you don’t know that the choir leaders are gay and engaged, since they’re doing such a great job.

There’s plenty of information on how anti-LGBT Hillsong is. That’s not the issue. It’s the welcoming, I-have-gay-friends pretense that is dangerous. Because the army is “welcoming” too, otherwise no one would sign up there, either. But just you drop and give ‘em 19, or stop saying “Sir!Yes Sir!” and see how welcoming they are.

And this is how Hillsong damages people beyond psychiatric repair. Direct abuse means your guard is up. When you’re being hugged and loved by people who only just stopped referring people for de-gaying, and who have explicitly stated that you’ll never be one of them, it’s a confusion all of its own.

Being welcomed as a second-class citizen has eternal effects. Hillsong doesn’t ‘hate’ LGBT people. That would be too obvious. Hated people don’t do what they’re told. Ellen Page has a lot more questions to ask.

Now I'm Upset

And no, it’s not just because of that stupid first knuckle ring that Katherine Schwarzenegger is wearing on her right hand. It’s about the one on the left, her engagement to avid Hillsonger, Chris Pratt. Katherine’s brother, Patrick, had been seen at Hillsong with the Biebs, but this is serious.

Now, everybody knows there’s nothing worse than a love story but it’s not even that.

Katherine Schwarzenegger is the daughter of Arnie, obvs, and Maria Shriver. Maria Shriver, In Case You Didn’t Know, is the daughter of Eunice Kennedy and Somebody Shriver. She’s the niece of Robert Kennedy, John F. Kennedy and all of that lot. American Royalty etc.

And afterall, Kath is getting on a bit at 29, and while Catholic Maria wouldn’t have once believed in divorce, she’s never divorced her own philanderer, so you probably just have to take what you can get after a while. She narrowly avoided having Taylor Swift join the compound, so she has to take control where she can, and can you blame her? She devised all of this with Jesus, apparently.

Now clearly Katherine, as the child of a Republican Terminator and a Democrat Kennedy, dearly needs god in some shape or another. I’m glad she’s got something to cling to, unlike her great-uncle Teddy’s dates, if ya know what I’m saying. And how scary would it have been for Chris to go ask Arnold Schwarznegger if he can marry his daughter?

But who exactly IS going to explain this to Brian, who probably thinks Chappaquiddick is a place he went on a book tour in Russia? That’s right. Brian and Bobbie and all their friends and relations are going to be hanging out with Kennedys.

It’s terrifying enough that VPOTUS supports one of their vague, unsubstantiated charities, but could this mean that some future Houston is going to be a Senator? Stranger things have happened.

Chris Pratt’s fans are not happy either, cos Hillsong is homphobic. That’s evangelicals. Hillsong lets the actual Living Whores of Babylon in, or modern American Royalty you could argue, and still discriminates against LGBT, so no one was hoping for much there. How far can Hillsong worm its way into American politics now?

And how many more meaningless, drab statements from the Brainwash Tree like ‘live boldly in faith with you’ are we supposed to cope with? Is that a marriage proposal or a movie trailer for TBN?

How come they’re allowed to move in together before marriage with his ex-wife if he’s on spiritual fasts and various other gimmicks of religion? What would Rose Kennedy say? Does Brian have an opinion on Caroline Bessette-Kennedy? This is a celebrity tragedy, for me, anyway.

In the words of the great Paul Simon, I don’t find this stuff amusing anymore. Does Maria Shriver have any idea who she’s invited into the Great Curse? Hmmm, wait a minute….President John F. Kennedy did visit Houston the day before he was assassinated. There’s plenty more conspiracy theories to fly now. Someone should tell Brian who a Rothschild is.

Selena Gomez reports for Gender Training Duty called Colour Your World

You can't blame Selena Gomez for thinking that Hillsong is related to Christianity. She grew up on the set of Disney.  She probably doesn't know that Winnie-the-Pooh isn't American and that Piglet never had a snout.

So you can't blame her for the picture above. I mean you can for the whatinjustinbieber2008sk8rboihellisshewearing outfit, but not for the book. It says BIBLE on it, and just because it was written by Joyce Meyer, who is Selena to know that theology is a thing? She's used to doing whatever the producers say to do, and these ones say 'god' a lot so they must know stuff.

I used to see her when my son was growing up on her show called Witches of Waverly Place. She played that dumb-sister-Mallory-from-Family -Ties kind of character, which everybody loves. She was totally better than Demi Levato and it was great seeing a new gen of Mouseketeers get trained into anxiety disorders, while being handed a series and singing career. So I've known her a while, and I still think she's better than Demi, but I thought Jessica Simpson was going places, so time will tell.

Selena is in town in Sydney for Hillsong Gender Training in the form of a conference called Colour Your World. I, for one, could not be more thrilled. Well, I guess Culty Carl, as my favourite website dlisted.com calls him and what we will always call him now,  and the Global Senior Pastors, as they have now Christened themselves, Brian and Bobbie would be, because they have a Katie Holmes for their Tom Cruise. She spent her first days in Australia doing what all good Hillsong women do, flaunting their wealth with as few clothes on as possible.

Selena Gomez was the most followed person on Instagram for 2016 and 2017 and her on again/off again boyfriend, Justin Bieber has followers on Twitter called beliebers that send death threats to girls he is seen in public with. Justin and Selena already have a worshippers of their own, so the smart cookies at Hillsong know that whatever Justin and Selena do, millions of tweens and teens and the Twighlight watching moms will do also,  automatically, feverishly and repeatedly. All Justin would have to do is tweet someone back and they'd be at Hillsong for life. They're old hands at culting it up.

Hillsong has changed Justin and he frequently credits it with bringing back religion and joy to his life. It's totally brought him closer to god in the way that only Hillsong can, by making it all about you.

he's been leading a cult all his life. he's thiiiiis close to being jesus.

This is why Culty Carl and Justin are BFFFFFFFFFs. It's been suggested to me by a gay male friend that the pics of Justin and Carl say more than bromance, but that's ridiculous because Carl is married with kids, like the founding father of Hillsong, Frank Houston was, and Frank always traveled with handsome young men, and that was entirely innocent.

just the married dad pastor of Hillsong NYC and his much younger best friend.

nothing  to see here.

The funny part is they make it sound like all the congregants get intensive help from their pastor, when finding pastoral care at Hillsong is like finding someone working at Kmart who actually knows when the next shipment is due. It doesn't happen. Hillsong is a one way show. There is no place to take your problems.

So, no one is shooting hoops with the pastor. Except Justin. But he didn't fall into the religion. His mother literally hypnotised him as a kid by making him listen to Judah Smith recordings. Judah is a good mate of Culty Carl's. The progression was as natural as a youtube career.

But back to Selena. She hasn't had an easy time. Her boyfriend used to do all kinds of stupid and cringey things before Culty Carl took over. He also used to make music and think his own thoughts, but there'll be none of that now. He's in training for something bigger. 

Selena  had a kidney transplant last year from her best girlfriend due to ongoing issues with lupus. She also has had a few stints in rehabs for anxiety including one in Tennessee at an undisclosed location, and I'm totally convinced that it was Mercy Ministries or Mercy Multiplied. So life isn't easy at the top, which is why it's great she has support of the gang while she goes through another split with Justin, following the relationship counseling that Hillsong (Carl) provided. I repeat: this is not a cult. The leaders control your relationships, where you go to rehab, spend intensive time with you, tell you what friends you can have and what do with your career. It's called caring about the influences on your life. Like how Jim Jones cared about his People and their Temple, or how Hef cared about the Playmates at his mansion.

I hope she has a great time learning to be a good wife at the women's conference. It's not one of those career-focused thingys that other women go to. It's going to break the Lord's heart, and bank account, if these two don't get married, so while she can have fun with her sisters, she'd better be taking notes on how to be  Bobbie.

She'd better move fast, too. Justin has already has, so she needs to find out what plans 'God' has for her. Now that Hillsong's mate, Joyce Meyer writes the bible herself, it's even easier to know. The Lord of televangelism works in not so mysterious ways.

Poor Selena. With anxiety, lupus, and a mother who doesn't like her boyfriend, she'd better take good notes on how to be a #pastorswife, or Carl's going to find her replacement. Lucky he's speaking at the women's conference. That's how you know it's a good one - when the powerful men stop by to help the women know what to do.

When do we tell her that being a Disney Princess is as real as being a Hillsong Princess, and about as empowering? Or would that ruin all the Fantasia fun she's having?