Truth is, I feel like this a lot of the time. Not all of the time, but enough to make a big difference in my life and the lives of those around me.
There's a load of reasons we all want to scream. For me, it's because there's all this stuff that goes on that really bugs me, big and little. I sweat the small stuff. Then there's parts of life and people that just morbidly fascinate me, but leave me like that messy-haired kid, but on the inside. Silently, ulcer-like.
Of course, I've been supposed to be blogging for aaages. It's what you should do as an author, one supposes. I've been procrastinating with this blog thing because I can't stand the word 'blog'. It sounds like 'dot.com', a bit yesterday. A lot yesterday.
NO, that's not it. I procrastinated because...
When you are looking at Other People's Websites, you see all the cool ones where cuckoos come out of their clocks and you go on a Magical Mystery Tour down Alice's Rabbit Hole. These people have already got 3-10 years of monthly archives, long lists of achievements, and you get all downhearted and eat chocolate. Then go back to stupid Facebook, like an ex when you're super lonely.
Where to start? Again, because I've already started and restarted a few times.
Who are we supposed to be out there in the world of the so-called online presence? So far, I make trouble on FB. IKR? BFD. I should be doing something.
But I'm not very consistent. The real intelligentsia are consistently doing things and going places and producing. They produce blog posts with photos of events they produced. I've been a working single mother for a while now. I'm lucky to produce a meal. Not a lot of photo ops in my kitchen, unless you reallllly like cats.
The content when I write will not be consistent. Celebrities, politics, and social justice are pretty much it for me and they're all the same thing to me, anyway. And the every day thing is hard. But, since I expect to be essentially writing to myself here, I won't worry about disappointing anyone yet. At least I can build up monthly archives, random as they may be.
The main issue though is that the topics I want to discuss, or rather my views of them, are often unpopular. I should be a good little leftie, and I do try to be, don't get me wrong. I'm pro a lot.
It's just I don't agree with all of the issues of social action movements that are going on, and I do suspect that privately, other fair-minded, non-judgmental don't either. There are far too many charities out there, far too much histrionic
outrage about nothing. Or what you and I consider nothing, anyway, which is what counts.
So then, I keep wondering, how do you mix a lifelong fascination with the world of celebrities with a lifelong commitment to see freedom ring? The conclusion is that I still don't know but I have to write somewhere and so it may as well be here.
The conclusion to controversy is that your difference of opinion, your boredom, or your distress at what is here is what makes the world go round. Your offense is not my problem, your amusement nothing more than a coincidence of bias. If you think it upsets me that you disagree with me, it doesn't.
Feel free to let me know how you feel, just don't be disappointed if I'm not hurt. Or missing Jesus. I'm just not.
I've always been very blunt and I ask a lot of questions, the type apparently you're not supposed to ask like "Why would you have a Fourth Child when you can't afford three?" or "How come you're making that sign at me under the table?". Some call this Asperger's Syndrome. I call it being blunt and asking a lot of questions.
And then this came along:
My colleague recently shared with me the concept of red, orange and green thoughts in relation to working with children on the Autistic Spectrum, (which is roughly half of kids these days). (red thought).
Green thoughts are the opinions or ideas that you can share out loud and everyone will be fine with them. "Oh what lovely weather," or "I wonder when the bus will arrive".
Orange thoughts are the ones that you should slow down and think about before verbalising.
"You do actually look really fat in that dress," "You're no fun anyway," and "I hate coming in to work here," probably won't result in the outcome you were hoping for, whatever that was. Best to consider the orange thoughts closely.
Then there's the red thoughts. Do construct your own favourites but the basic idea is that red thoughts should not be shared. If they are, it's almost definitely going bad for you and the people you share with. Keep the red thoughts to yourself.
Saying "I'd love to see what he'd look like after I ran over him with a truck" is not, I'm told, advisable, even if it's the Truth.
Since my life consists of red thoughts, I wondered who else has 'em bad like me. What's the worst thing that could happen?
There's also times when I feel like the rainbow baby below. When there's big news in Hollywood. When Goyte got that Grammy, that was a Rainbow Baby moment. I smiled like this baby for a week. Also when New Zealand got marriage equality and everyone sang. They're not all red thoughts. Not all of them. There's just a variety of them. And they have to go Somewhere.